and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
