Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
