hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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