no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
