i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my poor anus
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
