Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
