I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
