Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
