a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
