he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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