she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
