Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
