I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
