you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
