The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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