u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
