Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
