it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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