I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
