My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
