He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
