I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
