im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
