So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
