I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
