Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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