OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
