She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
