He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
