yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
