New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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