Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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