Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
