I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
