why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
