And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
