im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
