FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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