is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
