Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this boner is exhausting
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
