So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
