They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
