i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
