Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
