I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
