Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
