omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
