Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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