My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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