I looked at my own cervix.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
