Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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