I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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