Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
